is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
