I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
