You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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