I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
