she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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