yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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