We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
