I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize