it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
