Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
