If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
