We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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