his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
