then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
