I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if only i could text you this smell
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
