I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
