i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
