woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
