Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
