There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
