I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
