OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
