We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
love makes seman taste better
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
