The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
