he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
