Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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