I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
