Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
