why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you traded sex for a burrito?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
