hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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