I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
