I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
