just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
