I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize