Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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