Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(940): View more from Texas

I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?

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(239): View more from Florida

My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.

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(916): View more from California

I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.

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(619): View more from California

She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.

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(432): View more from Texas

They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!

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(417): View more from Missouri

I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.

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