Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize