Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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