The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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