The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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