Sober January is a disaster.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
