Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize