Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
