I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
