a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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