I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
