You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
