if only i could text you this smell
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize