I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
