I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
