Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
And then he peed in my hair
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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