I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
