If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
