it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize