Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
