Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
operation harelip BJ is a go
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
