12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize