wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
