I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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