I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
