this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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