2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
