i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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