In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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