My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
