you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
