I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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