i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize