the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
