i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
