New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize