I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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