Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
