I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
