He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
