you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize