No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
this will be a night to untag.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
