I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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