the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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