I skipped work to stalk him.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize