it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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