It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
