sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We were destined to go to rehab together
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
