She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
