Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
