I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
