He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
