so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I bet he comes in French.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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