when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
