Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
