On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
