i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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