i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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