I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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