WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
