I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
