It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
