Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
