And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
