i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
