you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
