I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
