I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
