i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
