suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
