I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
