: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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