everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
