I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
