I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize