my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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