Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
