Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
