Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
