I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize