I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
