everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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