So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize