About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i out mim tonsoeep
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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