I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
