Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
its not stalking. its research.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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