Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
